This is the year of greatness

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Yes, because I’ve decided.

Also because I can feel it. Maybe I felt then decided, maybe decided, then felt. What does it matter? It is really a fact, is happening.

“Success is a mood that you choose with every step”.

E eu vou dividir conta-los minhas vitorias e tropecos. Aprendi ingles num level suficiente pra poder atender universidade nessa lingua. Aprendi na escola da vida. Isso eh uma vitoria pra menina do Taboao da Serra, da Vila Livieiro. Imigrei sem ter que vender a minha dignidade.

This IS the year of greatness. I hope you can feel it! And use it! I hope we can grow.

This IS the year of greatness.

 

 

Gratitude

I read today in a silly book: “When you can’t write, doodle. When you can’t doodle, write.” I do believe one thing really helps the other. It’s like opening a tap and letting the thoughts flow however they flow.

If this was a piece of paper would be full of little drawings.

There’s a lot of stress in my household at this moment. 97% artificial and totally invented. Stress nonetheless and as I am dealing with it, I have to make a constant effort to remind myself to be grateful. We have such a great life in such a beautiful place! And the things that makes us so tired and so worried, are mostly so unimportant.

I haven’t found a feeling stronger than gratitude yet, and as I sit here, considering this mixed with all of our torments, I watch my tired love sleeping on a chair holding a book and a pen (which he was using to fiddle with), I can’t help but to feel grateful and to feel amazingly little.

“…We find ourselves on this remote planet in a remote corner of the universe, endowed with intelligence and self-awareness. We should not despair, but should humbly rejoice in making the most of these gifts, and celebrate our brief moment in the sun.” Lawrence M. Krauss.

Spring

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Smells so good around here, at this time of the year, that I can’t possibly get enough air into my lungs. I take deep breaths until I can’t anymore and every time I open my door, the smells causes me to smile. It’s a very sweet and particular perfume. It’s the life of the Cottonwood sprouting.

Took me years to find that out and I really thought that I loved this place so much, that it made the air taste sweeter. And the nights are even better than the days! The cooler air and the dampness makes it more enjoyable and accentuates the simple pleasure of existing.

It reminds me of my first few months with Armand, when I spent my evenings after work at his place, and then, later, I would walk the couple blocks to my house under a starry sky with the cold crispiness cutting my skin and I couldn’t help but giggling as I walked. At first, I wasn’t so much as in love with him, as I was in love with those walks. And it was walking, that I fell in love with him.

Cottonwood smells like the word YES.

Compass

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The time has come. I can feel the break. The split between the person I’ve been and the person I was born to become. I am not here to be fatalistic or to believe in the pre-destined, but to say that I feel vaguely lost in the middle of the two. But that’s ok, it’s part of a wave that is about to break.

 

I have been feeling a terrible need to write. To allow my world overflow and overcome me. I also felt that to do so, online, I would need a new address as the other one restricted me because of its audience. I know you can’t control your audience in the internet, but you can erase the tracks.

 

My desk at the moment is filled with business papers and poetry. And as I try to make sense of both universes, I can barely understand how they can coexist. But they can, as  WE can. The mythical we.

 

I know, those are all loose ends of thoughts that don’t begin or end and I am sorry to say, this is all you can expect from me at the moment.  You can also not expect that I will commit to a language or a format. I am not committing to anything other than myself. My true self.

 

Now you’re in the loop.